so i called the nearby starbucks to see if they were open because my dad wasn’t sure and wanted me to ask so i asked them in gollum’s voice “HELLO IS PRECIOUS OPEN TODAY?”
and the guy on the other line replied with “YES PRECIOUS IS OPEN TODAY UNTIL 3 MY PRECIOUS YESSSSSSSS”
I FUCKING FLIPPED OUT AND I WAS LAUGHING AND SOBBING
AND THE GUY ON THE OTHER LINE ASKED “IS PRECIOUS OKAY”
I HOPE YOU MARRIED HIM
(Source: harryjasperkennedy)
my mother must be so proud of her lazy, rebellious, anxiety-ridden, depressed child
your mother must be so proud of her strong, smart child who lives each day dealing with anxiety and depression and still holds on
oh man wow
A woman got breast implants made of wood yesterday
It would be funny if this joke had a punchline
Wooden tit
(Source: facebook.com)
it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn
it’s kinda funny how when you get older you start to enjoy the things you hated as a kid like taking naps and getting spanked
the second one was kind of unexpected
but no one is disagreeing
- percy: swaggity swag whats in the bag
- percy: *discovers the lightning bolt*
- percy: motherfuck
if there is one piece of writing that survives into 3209 i hope this is it
(Source: mariompreg)
hey im g. a musician and a friend.
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